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6 Tips for Talking to Your Partner About Money

February 4, 2021

Couple hugging on a rooftopIt’s safe to assume that as an individual, you have a lot on your mind. Apart from work, your health, and what to cook for dinner, the pressure to be financially responsible and maintain relationships can rent a lot of space in your brain. But what happens when relationships and money rent the same space? You’ll most likely need to talk to your partner about it. 

It shouldn’t be difficult to talk to your partner about money, but often it is. Many people do not know how to approach the subject. Some people are more open with their financial life, while others like to keep their money private. Follow these six simple tips when you decide to talk to your partner about finances.

 

1. Having an Open Mind is Key

A factor that stops money conversations in their tracks is having a fixed mindset. This includes having an attitude that aligns with “That’s the way I have always done it” or “My parents did it this a certain way so we should, too.” Although some parents may serve as great models of how to handle money, not everybody’s guardians fall into that category. 

You should actively listen to your partner, and hear their approach to managing money. If your views don’t align, do not pressure them to believe the same concepts you do. Instead, you should talk it out and discover why they spend or save the way that they do. 

 

A man and a woman laughing underneath pretty red flowers

2. Length Determines Level

Money habits tend to be revealed as a relationship progresses. Chances are, you’re not going to ask a guy or girl you just met how much they have invested in their retirement account. You may reserve those kinds of personal finance questions for the fifth, sixth, or an even later date. That is why the length of the relationship determines the level of finance talk. 

However, all relationships are different. There is no magic rule that specifies a certain time for discussing finances. You should feel out the relationship. If you feel comfortable asking, and know that your partner will feel comfortable answering honestly, then you should ask. Besides, some people believe that revealing your credit score can help you find the love of your life. Ultimately, it is up to you and your partner to decide when you are ready.

 

3. Money is More Than What You Spend

Frequently, when one partner tries to bring up money with the other, they focus only on spending habits. The partner leading the discussion may fixate on how much the other partner spends on eating out, going to social events, buying groceries, etc. Although developing good spending habits is a huge part of managing your money, it is not the only factor.

Besides expenses, you should have a conversation about how much the other partner earns. This can be helpful if you are thinking about moving in with each other. If you decide to take your relationship to the next level, you should have financial conversations before planning your wedding

The next topic to discuss is the financial goals you both have. Figure out how much money you and your partner want to save, how much you want to invest, or how much money it will take to lead the fulfilling life you desire.

 

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4. Know Who Pays for What

After you have developed an open mind, have reached the appropriate level of your relationship to talk about finance, and have realized that money habits are about more than just spending, you need to define who will pay for your shared expenses. If you go on a date, does one partner always foot the bill? Do you decide to pay 50/50 every time? You might not even think about this dilemma, but it is always nice to have verbal clarity from your partner.

Depending on how serious the relationship is, you and your partner need to agree on who pays for what in each financial situation. Developing a plan for paying expenses each month can eliminate the stress you would face if you didn’t talk about it. 

These finance-related activities are important to discuss with your partner when you feel comfortable. 

 

5. Don’t Hide the Truth

As you may know, talking about money to someone you love is not always comfortable. Sometimes a person may try to hide their financial background because they do not want to have that hard conversation with their partner. When it comes to money, it is better to be truthful and open. 

If you attended college and racked up $30,000 of student loans, tell your partner. If you had trouble adjusting to the freedom of revolving credit and have a good amount of credit card debt, tell your partner.

 It is always better to reveal your financial situation upfront. If they find out about it from another person other than you, it could potentially end your relationship. Although you may not think it affects them now, later they may choose to become your husband or wife, making the issue theirs too. 

 

man watches while woman places cookie sheet into the oven

6. Value the Experience

Although most people try to avoid ‘the talk’ at all costs, understanding your partner’s financial mindset can help deepen your relationship. After you have had this hard conversation with your partner, you can begin to notice their pattern of saving, spending, and earning money. This knowledge can help you be more aware when your partner makes a purchase that you don’t understand and vice versa.

If you handle this predicament properly, you will be able to listen to your partner’s mindset without trying to convert them to the way you think. Sharing these values with each other strengthens your trust. This can help you to have a healthy and happy financial relationship together. 

 

Although you and your partner may have different money goals, it is always important to communicate those differences to each other. Remember, your financial intimacy grows as your love for each other grows, so don’t rush into the money conversations.

If your relationship is new, just sit back and enjoy the novelty of it. Learn to listen to your partner at the beginning of your relationship, and your long-term relationship will have a better chance of being successful. 

If you’re a student, talking to your partner about marriage, credit scores, or saving for retirement may seem a long way away. Besides, maintaining your friendships and relationships and giving your best effort at your workplace may top your priority list. You should at least begin to think about the way you manage your own finances so that when the time comes to have this conversation with your significant other, you will be ready. 

 

 

  WHAT'S NEXT?

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