Friends and Money: How to Have Awkward Conversations

You probably swap snacks, share stories, and maybe even spill a few secrets with your friends. But there’s one topic that can make even the best friendships feel awkward: money. Talking about money isn’t easy, especially when everyone’s financial situation is a little different. Maybe you’re still waiting to be paid back from last week’s late-night pizza run, or you’re feeling pressured to keep up with your friend group’s spending habits. Here’s how to handle those awkward conversations about money with your friends. 

When your friend forgets to pay you back

When you’re grabbing coffee with a friend or going through a drive-thru, sometimes it may be easier to put everything on one ticket. This can leave you covering the bill and waiting to be repaid. Other times, a friend accidentally forgets their wallet at home, gets distracted when the check comes, or simply forgets to pay you back. It happens, so it’s important to give them a little grace. 

If it starts occurring often, it’s okay to send a gentle reminder. A simple message like, “Hey, can you send me your share of the dinner?” or “Please send me $15 for your half of the groceries when you get the chance,” will work. These keep it casual while making sure you’re not always the one paying. If it becomes a consistent issue, you may need to have a more direct money conversation with your friend.

When your roommate is using your stuff

Living with a roommate (for likely the first time) comes with its own set of challenges. When your housemate borrows your laundry detergent or snacks, the little costs can begin to add up. It’s best to clearly establish who’s paying for what early, so that small expenses don’t escalate into big frustrations. After all, no one wants tension in their home over a streaming service or bag of chips. 

If your roommate is using your supplies without asking, bring it up kindly but clearly. You might say something like, “Hey, I don’t mind sharing sometimes, but could we agree to split the cost next time?”  Having a “money talk” with your roommate early on can help prevent unnecessary conflict and keep your living space stress-free.

When your budget is different from your friends'

Not everyone can afford weekly brunch, pricey concert tickets, or a $75 per month workout membership – and that’s totally okay. College brings together people of all financial backgrounds, and you may have a different income or budget than your friends. Try to be honest about your financial situation; it’s better than silently stressing or overspending to keep up. Most likely, your friends will understand and may even appreciate your honesty.

You can always suggest alternative activities that are just as fun but more affordable. Try something like, “I’m trying to save this month, but I’d be down for a movie night at my place instead.” Choosing lower-cost options will help you stay on budget without having to skip quality time with your friends.

When family or friends ask to borrow money

Lending money can get tricky fast. On one hand, you may feel obligated to help a sibling, relative, or close friend who is in a tough spot. On the other hand, lending money when you’re not in a position to do so can put your own finances at risk. Even though you don’t want to disrupt the relationship, saying yes isn’t always the best option.

If you’re not comfortable lending the cash, you can say no without feeling guilty. Something like, “I wish I could help, but my budget is tight right now,” may work. If you do decide to lend money, you should set clear expectations about when and how it will be paid back, so it doesn’t create tension later on. Furthermore, there are other ways to show kindness that can be just as meaningful without straining your wallet. 

When everyone wants to split the bill evenly

Group dinners can be a great way to catch up with old friends or bond with new ones. Yet, they can quickly get awkward when you order water and an appetizer, and suddenly you’re expected to pay the same as the person who had two entrees and a dessert. Conversely, you may have been the one who splurged, and you may feel selfish having your budget-conscious friend pay for part of your meal. Splitting the check evenly may seem easier in the moment, but it isn’t always fair. 

The best approach is to speak up politely before the check arrives. You can say something like, “Would you guys mind if we just pay for what we ordered? It works better for me.” Most friends will understand, and being upfront about money can help avoid resentment later. 

When you're taking a group trip

Trips with friends can be some of the best memories you make in adulthood; memories you may talk about for 20+ years. However, they can become expensive quickly. That’s why it’s smart to start talking about costs early on. Then, everyone will have time to save for the vacation, and no one will feel completely blindsided. Make sure to discuss larger costs, like travel, hotels, and activities, without excluding some of the smaller everyday costs.

It helps to be clear about what each person feels comfortable spending. Everyone’s experience with money and traveling is different. You may express your priorities by saying, “I’m good with staying somewhere cheaper if it means I’ll have more money for activities and souvenirs." Discussing money before you take off makes sure that the trip is fun for everyone. 

When your friend is asking too much about your finances

Sometimes friends cross the line with money questions. Perhaps they want to know who earns more, what’s in your bank account, how much your parents contribute to your tuition, or if you’re getting a refund check from student financial services. Even if your friend means well, sometimes those questions can feel invasive or uncomfortable. You’re never obligated to share details you’d rather keep private. 

You can set boundaries in a polite way while keeping your friendship intact. Say something like, “I’d rather not talk about my finances right now,”  or you can redirect with something lighter, like, “I’m actually focusing on budgeting this month. Are there any financial goals you’re working on?” This keeps the conversation positive while still protecting your privacy.

When you're asked to be in a wedding party

Being part of a wedding is a great honor, but it can come with a large price tag. Between outfits, travel, gifts, and all of the pre-wedding events, the costs can add up fast. For students, these expenses can be overwhelming, especially if you’re already worried about how you’re going to pay for college. 

If the financial commitment feels like too much, you should say so early. This way, you will avoid money issues down the road and give your friend more time to adjust their plans, if needed. A good way to mention this is, “I’d love to support you, but I may need to scale back on some of the costs.” That might mean skipping a pre-wedding event, renting instead of buying an outfit, or helping in a different way. A wedding is an exciting way to celebrate your friend, and it’s possible to do that without going into credit card debt. 

When someone assumes you'll cover because of your income

It can be frustrating if your friends assume you’ll always cover them because you have a job, a steady allowance, or a large dining hall meal plan. Someone may ask you to swipe them in or pay for them at a restaurant since you’re making money. Even if you have extra income or meal swipes, that doesn’t mean you can (or should) be the group’s default piggy bank.

In such situations, it’s essential to set boundaries while keeping things fair. You might say something like, “I’m happy to help sometimes, but I can’t always cover.” You can offer alternatives, like splitting evenly, rotating who pays, or agreeing that everyone handles their own meals. Setting expectations helps ensure that no one feels taken advantage of.

When you're the frugal one

Sometimes friends may tease you for being “cheap” or call you a miser because you’re more cautious with money. In reality, being mindful of your spending habits isn’t always stingy. Often, it’s about protecting your financial future and making sure you can afford the things that are important to you.

If the teasing begins to bother you, you can respond with something light and truthful, such as, “Yeah, I’m careful with money. I’d rather save for what matters to me.” You can also take the lead by suggesting budget-friendly alternatives, like a game night, hiking, or cooking together. That way, you’re still spending time with friends without feeling FOMO or the pressure to overspend.

Friends and money don’t always mix smoothly. Aside from a financial advisor, talking about money can sometimes be a taboo topic. Since everyone has a different relationship with money, financial discussions may feel uncomfortable, no matter how careful you are. However, just as you share snacks and stories with your friends, you can also share openly when it comes to money. Approaching these talks with honesty, clarity, and respect can save both your wallet and friendships.